Writings

Seeing Stars 

I’ll admit, if Nia was my daughter and some nigga came to our house at two in the morning, even though I threaten him and his family at  gun point a few weeks ago, I would feel a like bitch ass nigga. Now, I don’t think he’s a bitch ass nigga. I think he can and will kill me, even if he really doesn’t want to. But the thing is, it's not about wanting to do something or not wanting to do something, it’s about how niggas see you. And no one, especially a black cop in Boston, wants to be seen as a bitch ass nigga. So, when I see Nia, bonnet on tight, boxer briefs, no bra with a tank top, beautiful as ever. The first thing I say is, “Wait is your dad home?”   

She pulls me in from outside, tripping wet and shivering like a lost puppy. She asks me questions on questions in a whisper; what I’m doing here? How did I get here? Why am I shirtless?  Do I think her dad is a bitch ass nigga? I say no and ask again if he’s here. She says no, he’s working overnight. He will be here in the morning though and her Mom, Mrs. Wilson, is here now. She must have felt her ears ring as her mother gets up and asks Nia if everything is alright. She puts her hand over my mouth. 

“Everything is fine. Just….praying….” Wow.

“You believe in God again baby? So you’re gonna come to church with me this Sunday?”

“Yeah mom…Sure.”  She accepts the response and instantly starts snoring. She slaps my arm and whispers. “Dammit Jay!...Look, you gotta get out of here.” 

“I can’t. It's hard to explain but I needed to see you. I need to tell you something.” I grab her hand and put it on my chest, so she can hear my heart clearly. “I don’t want you to move! I know its selfish, I know it's not your choice! I know we said we try long distance…But….I can’t lose you.”

She gazes into my eyes then takes the bonnet off her head, revealing her glistening afro and places it on my head. 

“You’re freezing, let’s go to my room.”

I follow quietly and she explains she’s argued with her dad everyday since he got the new job. Generational wealth, fresh start, new friends and opportunities, he’s as stubborn as a brick wall, she says. And as long as she’s under his house, his rules. The fact that I came over here after he gave me strict orders to never show my face again, “you’re crazy Jay.”

“Nah, it’s called love.”

“Love made you walk across town in the pouring rain?”

“You act like you wouldn’t do the same.”

She rolls her eyes and smirks. “I just don’t want you risking your life for me.”

“You’re worth dying over.” 

She smacks her teeth, and chuckles under her breath. We make it to her room, it's dark with the moonlight revealing her bed and pictures of old friends. She closes and locks the door, I chill in the corner, still dripping wet. She goes to the drawer and pulls out a towel and shorts, and tells me to come over. 

I look at her confused, “I’m sorry? I thought you wanted me to leave?

A smile sneaks upon her face but she tries to hide it.  “I don’t want you to get sick.” She says drying off my skin. “The rain should let up in the morning. It wasn’t part of my plan, but you might as well stay the night and leave in the morning.” She rubs my cheek and lips. “And besides, this is definitely the best way to say goodbye.” 

She licks her full lips, her eyes are stars and I am an astrologer. Moonish rays highlight are dark skin, sparkles swim in her hair. Water flows from my chin, to my chest, it drips and hits my soaked underwear and sweatpants. So I take them off. Our eyes remain locked, I hear her breath leave her chest as she inhales and exhales deeply. I slowly grab her waist with each finger and pull her in, she drops the towel and shorts to lay her arms around my neck, our foreheads kiss.

“Nia, I…I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

She smiles hard with open eyes looking deep into my soul. “I don’t want trouble Jay. I want you to fuck me.”

Glowing tribal marks sprout from our bodies as we embrace each other. Life moves in slow motion, everything is done with joy and intention. As we kiss, I take off her shirt and feel on her breasts. She sucks on my lip, my neck, then takes off her boxers and pulls me in so strong, we fall onto the bed. But as we do, the world transforms and we’re on a cloud in the middle of the night sky. The Milky Way galaxy paints the heavens. Fingers glide on chocolate skin, we laugh while we learn each other’s bodies. Soft kisses and licks make our bodies moan and twist. Hands gently caress, rub and jerk, we breathe in harmony, in rhythm. The wind blows us around, the cloud bounces up and down, we chuckle and say “shhhhh” together. Our minds dance, hearts race, bodies open up, we let each other in and touch souls. Stars flicker and change color with every acceptance, every stroke, speeding up and slowing down, trying to make this moment last more than thirty seconds. Pulling of hair, biting of shoulders, deep gasps and heavy exhales cause my back to become scarred from sharp nails. It feels too good to stop. We repeat the movements until it's second nature. I don’t know what love is, but I imagine it feels like this. A beautiful woman, whispering in your ear. 

“Cum in me.” 

Instantly, stars go into supernovae, exploding like firecrackers and in a bright flash, we return to Nia’s room. We’re trapped in sheets, raindrops racing down the window, Nia falls asleep on my chest. I take off the bonnet and gently place it back on her head. As I lay in her bed, still seeing stars.